Full moon and a red dress
by planet p
Summary: Nurse Jackie Tyler AU -- Jackie has a job, as a nurse, but it’s the weekend. More strange than anything really. Not intended to upset.


**Full moon and a red dress** by planet p

**Disclaimer** I don't own _Doctor Who_ or any of its characters.

**Author's Notes **Written in 2006. AU. Nurse Jackie 'verse.

* * *

Jackie brushed the straggly blonde hair from her eyes. It was Saturday. Jackie was on a girl's day out with Paula and Tudor. Paula was busy doing her make-up and Tudor was reading _The Time Machine_ by H. G. Wells. Jackie shook her head. "So do I just stick it on the stove and wait till it boils?"

"What, no. What have you done?"

Jackie could imagine Mickey frowning on the other side of the phone. "I did what ya said. Stuck the noodles in the pot."

"Did you wait for the water to boil?"

"Water? What water?"

Jackie put on a grumpy face. "How else are you going to cook them?"

"With the sauce."

Jackie clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her giggling. She gave herself a few moments to compose herself, and then turned back to her mobile phone. "You've got boil the noodles for ten minutes or so first, then you take them out of the water and put sauce with them."

Mickey thumped his hand on the table. "Aww, stuff that, I'm buyin' take-away."

"You're completely hopeless, aren't you? See ya then." She hung up and put her phone back in her bag.

Tudor had looked up from her book. She nodded towards a man feeding some pigeons chips. Jackie shook her head and looked back to the pigeons. A young Indian woman wearing a short red dress was crawling amongst the birds stealing the chips off the ground and eating them. Jackie killed herself laughing and nearly fell backwards into the fountain. The man who was feeding the pigeons stopped and stared at the woman. For a moment he seemed stunned, then the woman barked at him and he rushed off.

Paula snapped her little mirror shut. "Whoa, that's crazy man, far out!"

Jackie turned back to Tudor. "She's smashed. She said something about a party, but I couldn't be stuffed listening."

Jackie nodded. "End of story. What you readin'?"

"Herbert."

"You should start a fan club. You could have badges like: Herbert, we love you!"

Tudor stuck her tongue out. Paula screamed out. "Watch out you don't spit on Herbert!" Tudor jumped and bit her tongue.

Jackie laughed. "Good one, Paula!"

* * *

Across the park the Indian woman was crouching on her knees by a park bench. An old lady walked past with her fluffy white puppy dog. The woman came scampering out from behind the bench and barked at her. The little dog looked frightened out of its mind and the old woman picked her dog up and hobbled off.

Paula swayed on the side of the fountain. "Man, I've seen some crazy types in my life, but that's just whacked, far out!"

Jackie stared at her. "I think you need a coffee."

"Nah, man, had a bucket a coffee this mornin'."

The barking woman was now chasing her nonexistent tail. A man with a paper cup of coffee walked past the bench and flew straight over the barking woman. Jackie jumped up and held a hand over her mouth. "Dr. Zachary just took a spill."

Tudor looked up from her book. Paula screamed again. "Whoa, man, that's gotta kill something…" she swayed again, "far out, man, aww, crap. Someone should, like, give him a hand."

Dr. Zachary was the doctor in charge of their ward.

Tudor sighed. "Oh wow, look at that pink Mercedes, I am so jealous." She pointed in the opposite direction. Paula fell into the fountain with her bag and Jackie and Tudor ran to help her out.

Dr. Zachary was having problems of his own. The barking woman had resumed her barking and was crawling around him in circles, growling. He pulled himself off the pavement and brushed his clothes down hurriedly. His papers had flown all over the park. He bent down to pick them up, and the barking woman nearly bit his hand off. He backed away with his hands out as if in surrender. He checked his watch and made his way back to the hospital across the road.

Paula spat a bunch of water out on Tudor, who frowned disdainfully. "Whoa, man, that water's way cold."

Jackie shook her head. "Whoa, man, you need to lay off the bottle for a while."

"Nah, man, it was these tiny pills," she indicated the size with her fingers.

Whack! Jackie slapped her. "Drugs are no good! I don't wanna hear about it again."

Paula was kneeling on the ground eating ants. Tudor giggled. "She's gonna be barking next. We should take her to see a doctor or som'in'."

Jackie nodded. "Wait here, I'm gonna get Dr. Zachary's paperwork from dog woman. Wish me luck."

Tudor nodded. "Don't get bitten. She might have rabies, you never know."

* * *

Jackie crossed the road to the hospital. Tudor was taking Paula to her car. The barking woman had thrown herself in the fountain. Jackie rubbed the side of her head. She'd be needing a few paracetamols later. Saturday was just not her day.

When she got back to the car, Tudor was checking Paula's pulse. Jackie took the driver's side and started the car up.

* * *

Jackie threw herself on the sofa. Tudor was in the kitchen making coffee. She was singing along to a commercial of the hospital at which she worked that was on the radio. Jackie thought it was a pretty crap idea putting a commercial about a hospital on the radio, but that was advertising for you. "Your washing machine's had it," Tudor shouted from the other room.

Jackie sat up and rubbed her eyes. "What? Aww, yeah, hmm." She dashed into the hall and pulled the front door open.

Rose stared back at her. "Can I come in?"

"What? Oh, yeah." Jackie stepped out of the door way. "Had a crap day, that's all."

"I thought you didn't work Saturday."

"I don't, I've just got extraordinarily bad luck."

Rose nodded. The Doctor appeared in the door way. "You've having a bad hair day too, by the looks of it."

"Far out, man." Jackie wandered off into the lounge.

"The washing machine's had it," Tudor called from the kitchen. She came into the lounge carrying two mugs of coffee.

"Yeah whatever!" Jackie collapsed on the sofa. "I need a good sleep, no crazy dog women."

"Dog, what?"

Tudor spun around and gave a tiny wave. "Dog women." Jackie sat up and took her coffee. "This crazy lady in the park was barkin' at people. Dr. Zachary nearly lost a limb."

Rose frowned. "Who's 'e?"

"Me boss! Man you're dumb, girl."

Rose looked at the Doctor, momentarily incapable of words. Tudor had gone back into the kitchen and now returned with paracetamol. "Tah, thanks." Jackie popped two in her mouth and swallowed them with a glass of half-drunk cordial that stood on the coffee table. Her coffee lay disregarded. "Paula got herself high. Big bloody help, that's for sure. I mean, all I need," she was pointing around the room higgledy-piggledy, waving her finger about as though trying to make a point. "You off saving the world, Paula off getting high, this crazy bloody woman off barking like a dog, Tudor's off somewhere with Herbert, and bloody Dr. Zachary… I've had it, up to here," she held a hand over her head. "The world's bloody crazy. Maybe I needa get high?"

Tudor frowned. "I was not off anywhere, and stop bagging Herbert."

"Shit, woman, you've never even met the guy. He's a stiff, damn it! Get over it!"

Tudor held her hand over her mouth. "I resent that statement."

Rose was in a state of shock. "Here's me thinking I can have a nice quiet sit down on the sofa, but me mum's gone up the wall."

Tudor sat down beside Jackie. She looked into Jackie's eyes. "Look into my eyes, I will now tell you your will. Sleep. You will sleep. Sleep now." Jackie fell back, asleep. Tudor stood up and looked around the room. "Has anyone seen Herbert?"

"Herbert who?"

"G. Wells, who else?"

"A book? Oh. Look on the kitchen table," Rose told her.

* * *

Tudor passed Rose some papers. Rose shrugged. "They're for Dr. Zachary. Jackie was gonna take 'em in." She looked over to the sofa. "I can drive you."

Rose nodded. "Okay. Will do. Got nothing better to do, not on this planet anyway."

Tudor nodded vaguely and led the way out the door to her car.

They got to the hospital around five.

* * *

After enquiring at the administration desk, Rose and the Doctor went off to find Dr. Zachary's office on the third floor. At the corner a woman came crawling around the corner, and bit the Doctor in the ankle. The Doctor backed into the wall. Rose held a hand to her chest. "Shoo doggy," the Doctor said.

A man came running around the corner. "I found her," he screamed back down the hall, "Bloody sedate her, why don't you?" They had found Dr. Zachary. The woman spun around and sprung on him, growling. Three nurses came around the corner. The woman was now gnawing on the sleeve of his shirt. One of the nurses looked away, smiling.

"She bit me!"

The smiling nurse looked over at them. "You'll be right, mate, she's not a real dog. But I could whip up a rabies shot if you like."

The Doctor shook his head. "Had one of those, thanks."

Dr. Zachary was finally released of the barking woman, and stood up. Rose made her way over to him. "Hi, I've got these papers for you."

He stared at her and pointed. "You're not gonna bite me?"

Rose laughed. "Nooo. No such luck. But good try. They're me mum's. She's had a bit of a rough day. Guess you could call it that, yeah."

He nodded. "Jackie, right."

"Yeah."

There was a loud yowl and the three nurses dragged the dog woman away. Dr. Zachary nodded. "We get these types here. Just somethin' you got tah live with. Crazy people." He turned to look up the hall, and then turned back to Rose. "Who's ya friend?"

"Nobody terribly important, I daresay, I just picked him up for a lift the other day, can't get rid of 'im now. Bit of a spot of bother."

The Doctor crossed his arms and stared in the opposite direction. Rose stuck her tongue out.

Dr. Zachary pointed one way with one hand and the other way with the other hand. "I'll be around, then."

Rose nodded. "He's actually from outer-space, but I don't tell many people, cos they reckon I should keep a poodle instead. Thing is, and get this, not allowed a poodle in me flat, but there's nothing against mutts in the rule book. So there ya have it."

Dr. Zachary nodded. "Fair enough."

Rose killed herself laughing. "I'm not hitting on you, you know."

"Mmm, damn. Twice in one day, I was thinking, you know, babe magnet. But, I guess, if you ain't got it, you just ain't got it."

There was a loud howl from somewhere in the building. "Oh crap!" Dr. Zachary nodded goodbye and rushed off.

"Funny kinda fellow," Rose commented, turning to the Doctor.

The Doctor sniffed. "You weren't hitting on him were you?"

"No way! Jealous, are you?"

"No, just thinking now I could get rid of you and find a way cuter replacement."

Rose shoved him in the arm on the way past, "Cuter, than me? No way! No such babe exists. Sorry to break it to ya man, I'm da bomb!"

The Doctor hurried after her. "Uh-huh. If you say so, Mistress You're-the-bomb-Rose."

Rose laughed and clicked her fingers. "Latte. Where's my latte, servant?"

"Latte schmatte! She bit me! She bloody bit me!"

Rose smirked. "She sure did. It musta bin all that animal magnetism."

The Doctor grinned. "Who's the bomb, now?"

"Rrrr!" The growling woman jumped out in front of them, Dr. Zachary hot on her heels.

"Sorry about that, folks," he called out, "She's, um, proving a tad hard to sedate." He grabbed her about the waist and dragged her off. She kept trying to snap at him.

The Doctor was flat against the wall, terrified. Rose stared over at him. "I think we need to get out of this hospital. Did you catch if it was full moon or not?"

The Doctor shook his head but did not speak, he seemed frightened to open his mouth in case the dog woman reappeared and bit him.

* * *

When they got back to Jackie's flat, Rose and the Doctor found Tudor sitting on the sofa, her head rested on her shoulder, a book lying open on the floor. She had fallen asleep. Jackie stumbled out of the hall, a towel over her head. "Mickey rang and bloody woke me," she whispered, "I just had a shower, thought it might wake me up." She yawned. "I'm sorry for the way I acted before, life just seems so crazy these days."

The Doctor nodded. Rose suddenly burst into a fit of hysterical giggling. "Dog woman… bit… him!" she gasped.

Jackie frowned. "You had a rabies shot?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Somewhere along the lines."

Jackie nodded. "You might needa update it, get a new one."

The Doctor smiled and held a hand over Rose's mouth. "I think I'll be fine. It's one of these silly childhood fears, needles."

Jackie laughed. "I can't imagine you as a child."

The Doctor smiled, and took his hand away from Rose's mouth. He strolled off into the kitchen and didn't reply.

Rose was taking deep calming breaths, but when she saw Jackie's puzzled expression she burst into an all-out laughing fit and fell to the carpet. Jackie patted her on the head and followed the Doctor into the kitchen. She pointed to a cupboard in the corner. "The tea and coffee's in there, sugar's on the table, and I'll boil some more water." She wandered over to the stove and snatched the kettle off the stove and stood by the sink to refill it. The Doctor was lost in thought. Jackie watched him for a while, and it seemed so odd to her that he was actually a 900 year old alien from some galaxy far away. He looked as ordinary as anyone she might meet on the street. He smiled when he noticed her watching him. Jackie grinned. "Are you really 900?"

He nodded. "'Fraid so."

"Old age, it gets to you."

The Doctor shut his eyes and nodded. "I was just thinking… when you said… back there in the lounge, and I realised… I can't remember her, not at all…" he trailed off without explanation, but Jackie seemed to guess what he was thinking.

"Your mother?" He nodded. Jackie sighed and placed the kettle on the stove to boil. She called out into the next room. "Rose, have you seen the milk?"

Rose popped her head around the door. "It's not in the fridge?" Jackie shook her head. "And Mickey didn't nick it?"

Jackie clapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh shit, I invited him 'round for tea the other day." She rushed over to the cupboards and pulled one of them open. "The biscuits are gone too. That's it! I'm really grumpy now."

Rose giggled. "Don't be too harsh on him. He's hopeless at cooking."

Jackie nodded, frowning. "More than you know."


End file.
